Ben Allred

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August 4, 2023: I arose in the morning, turned on the TV, and couldn't believe the news that I was hearing.
It was Orson Wells all over again, only it was real. It happened the night before around 10PM. And all at once I knew the end of the world was nearing.
I called you up, you were downing some beers; you were screaming so loud, I think you damaged my ears. Somewhere in your string of words, you called me a cretin.
I told you to shut up and that I was coming over. You said by the time I got there you wouldn't be sober, and I said to save the beers and take some Ritalin.

On my way to your apartment I saw the effects of human brain experiments. It was happening already, and I thought of you and began to worry.
I went straight to your home. Believe me. I swear. I was making good time. I was almost there. I couldn't have been in more of a hurry.

Don't open the door unless it's me. That knocking isn't opportunity. What a random day for this rare occasion.
My life is flashing before my eyes. This couldn't have come as more of a surprise, this untimely alien invasion.

About half a mile before I got to your place, I looked in the sky, and from outer space came an alien ship that descended upon my car.
It landed in front of me, and out came the troops, so I grabbed my coat and laced up my boots. I tried to run, but I didn't get very far.
Next thing I knew I was strapped to a table: derobed. I'd been stripped of my pride. I'd been anally probed. I couldn't break free, but believe me, I was trying.
And when they were done making me feel like meat, they threw me off the ship and onto the street, and I just laid there for at least an hour, crying.

Don't open the door unless it's me. That knocking isn't opportunity. What a random day for this rare occasion.
My life is flashing before my eyes. This couldn't have come as more of a surprise, this untimely alien invasion.

When I got to your pad, you were choking on your tears, you were waiting for me with a pair of sewing shears. I asked about the Ritalin, but that only made you more rowdy.
Your eyes were red, and I told you to relax, but that only set you off on a series of panic attacks which ended when you disemboweled me.