Story Behind The Song

this was written for my teenage son Christopher who takes too long to do everything..........

Song Description

Impatient asshole hillbilly shares his ignorant cocksure attitude as he goes to his grave spiritually unimproved by a life of hardship

Lyrics

I was standing at the alter with my virgin bride
mom& dad & all my kin there too
when the preacher kept going on about how to live our lives
and all the stuff we should and shouldnt do
soon my nostrils start to itch and then my insides start to twitch
then I cleared my throat a time or two. I said:

refrain:

looks like we'll be here all day
so I'll say this if I may
You take too long
you take too long
you take too long
lets move along

I was lying in my casket in my sunday suit and tie
all my friend and folks had come just to say goodbye
and that preacher he went on & on about my whole damn life
and how I was this special kind of guy
soon my nostrils start to twitch
then my insides start to itch
I sat right up and looked him in the eye I said:

refrain

I was standing at the pearly gates with everyone in line
watching old St. Peter run his jive
He was asking lots of questions and saying this & that
with lots of whys and wherefores bout our lives
soon my nostrils start to itch then my insides start to twitch
I crowded up till I was first in line

refrain: