Lyrics

Statistically speaking
Over 50 cents
Of every dollar that you make
Goes to the government
And the odds are that they'll raise it
In the next year or two
There's absolutely nothing
That you can do

Why are you in such a good mood?
Statistically speaking you're screwed

The odds are that you've met
A psycho killer or two
But you could not tell
He seemed quite normal to you
Statistically speaking
Almost everybody dies
And your chances of mortality
Are very, very high
You won't go out with a bang
But with one last groan
Statistically speaking
You will die alone
And even if you're lucky
Find that perfect mate
You'll grow cold together
Put on lots of weight

Why are you etc.

like everybody else
You are underpaid
You'll spend your life behind a desk
And you'll watch your dreams fade
Then you start to think that life
Is a bit unfair
When you look into the mirror
And you're losing your hair
Statistically speaking
Marriage ends in divorce
And your 1.5 children
Will think they're the source
So when they grow up
They will never stop by
But they'll show up for your funeral
Pretend to cry

Why are you etc.
Didn't you hear what I said?
Statistically speaking stay in bed