Lyrics

You always told me you were on my side and I believed you. You would be my bride.
You always played me like a dancing fool. I guess I'm really not that cool as a cucumber.
Impressive as a prince. You had me undressed and fancying myself like this.
Dumb as an ox, I couldn't get a Hollywood ending.
You broke my will and left me all alone to do my own mending.

On my own. On my knees. You think a rack and a smile license you to do what you please.
I felt my tear drops welling up again. A putz like me will never win one for the gipper.
Take me to the highest court. You're batting a thousand and I keep coming up short.
I should have known I'd never take your cake.
You drop the lid and never wait for the inevitable shake.

Your middle name is trouble. I should have known you were trouble.
You offer mysterious devices. I never should have settled for your black market spices.
And every second longer you're a happening crisis.
and I don't really care what your new wave advice is.
'Cause I don't think a cougar is as nice as a cheetah is to you. Do you.

Psycho as Norman Bates in my bathroom, breaking up the mirror.
Seven more years of bad luck in the shower.
Don't shave again with that razor. It's leaving a mark! You're leaving a mark!
My neck looks like a laser blasted my throat.
You really get my goat. You're a breezy little grace note.
You're a buoy, a swimming pool float. You win the election without my vote.
You're a tugboat.