Bob Altmiller

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Member Since: 2006
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I was changing stations in my truck one day
And I heard old Dr. Laura say
Men and women just don?t communicate
I thought to myself, that?s a flash of news
And I was just about to put on some blues
When she said, ?Take the case of flatulence?

For all of you guys out there that ain?t too smart
Flatulence a technical word for fart
And I must admit that kinda caught my ear
Cause I could never really figure aout
Why a woman could scream and shout
About a noise, that just pops outa my rear

She went on to say that women felt this gas
Was just an embarrassment to pass
And just an uncomfortable side effect of digestion
And if some one could explain what men found funny
It might be worth a lot of money
To women it?s the 64 thousand dollar question

Then she said that men thought it was a gas
To make this loud noise with their ass
And stink up a whole room or an elevator
And when I heard that I had to smile
Cause it made me think of my old friend kyle
The guy that we nicknamed ?The Terminator?

Old Kyle had developed this unique skill
And he could leave thses farts that kill
And do it almost any time he chose
Then he found that he could control the stink
By what it was he would eat and drink
And I?ll tell you he could destry the average nose


One day we were in this boring meeting
And when we took a break for eating
Old Kyle had some beers and a bean burrito
And while the boss was droning on
And I was trying to stifle and yawn
Old Kyle farted, and it was El FinitoD!!

Grown men were scrambling to get out of that place
And old Kyle sat there with this look on his face
Like maybe he?d just hit the lottery
I think right then and there he know
That when the tellin of this story was through
That what he?d done would make male history

And looking back, old Kyle was right
Cause when I heard the story repeated that night
His legend grew as it got later and later
Everyone in that bar was completely sold
On the fact that old Kyle was ?The Terminator?

But that there story?s just an aside
To this difference tin male and female pride
That?s keepin us from gettin cheek to cheek
If we can?t agree on somethin simple as farts
What?s the chances for culture and arts and feeling and
Sensitivity women seek

Then my girl said that we needed to talk
And before I could balk we took a walk
And we had this serious, sensitive heart to heart
So to prove to her how much I care
And how I really wanted to share
I asked her opinion on what Dr. Laura said about farts


Well I?ll tell you I thought she was gonna flip
And she said that subject will never cross my lips
And that word picture immediately made me grin
Then when she thought about what she said
And me really grinnin, she screamed drop dead
I knew right then that I was way more out than in

She said you?re a gross disgusting ass
And that of course made me think of gas
And I wasn?t grinnin now I was laughin out loud
She was fumin and fussin and screamed ?Get out?
I told her she didn?t have to shout
And right before I departed, I farted

As much as I?d like to search the stars
And find why women are from Venus and men from Mars
I don?t think I?ll ever understand
How somethin like a little smelly gas
And the proper way that it sould be passed
Should come between a woman and a man

Cause I believe with my heart and soul
That playin a tune with your old butt hole
Is somethin that just makes a fella smile
And that you can make this awful smell
Some times make me laugh like hell
But women just think it?s rude and crude and vile

So maybe there?s just no solution
To this particular type of air pollution
That men just seem to love and women hate
But this is something I like to relate
When you go out on your next date
Try as hard as you can, not to flatulate.

Bob Altmiller
117 Baldwin LN
Harrison City, PA 15636
ph: 412/849-3151
C. 2006

Song Length
Blues - Chicago