Carla Ulbrich

Plays:

71

Song Description

In a hypothetical situation, the audience is asked how they would feel fi they literally lost their butt.

Story Behind the Song

This is a parody of one of my *own* songs. I was very ill and lost a lot of weight, and couldn't get comfortable sitting down because I no longe rhad a butt. Fear not, it grew right back.

Lyrics

I was just wondering ? hypothetically
What would you do? Theoretically
If something should happen accidentally or medically
What if your butt was gone?

If sitting in a wooden chair felt like tacks
And you found you had nothing to hold up your slacks
?Cause instead of a butt you now had just a crack
Well something would have it be done

Would you write ?Dear Abby? for advice in a letter
Put a cushion in your chair to make it feel better
Try to fatten up with brie and cheddar
What if your butt was gone?

If your butt disappeared without a trace
And everyone looked all over the place
Why do you have that look on your face?
Hey it could happen to you

If that booty petootie that sweet derriere
Were now inexplicably no longer there
How soon would you miss it? How much would you care?
And what do you think you would do?

Would you call me up
Would you fall to pieces
Would you make it the topic of your doctoral thesis
Try to go out and find a prosthesis
What if your butt was gone?

A butt, as you know, can be skinny or fat
Dimpled or pimpled, curvy or flat
Like an opinion, everyone?s got one
But what if your butt was suddenly not one

If something should happen hypothetically
What would you do? Theoretically
If something should happen accidentally or medically
What if your butt was gone?

Would you call me up
Would you start confiding
How you tried to make it grow with fluorescent lighting
How you had to give up horseback riding
What if your butt was gone?

Would you realize there?s a good selection
Shopping for clothes in the children?s section
Go to your closet and make a commotion
Take all your pants and throw ?em in the ocean

Does your butt hang low
Does it wobble to and fro
Can you tie it in a knot
Can you tie it in a bow
Can you sling it over your shoulder
Like a continental soldier
What if your butt was gone?