Song Description

Humorous description of a man's inability to get and follow good advice in relationships.

Lyrics

I asked my father for a recommendation
[On] how to be the high school debonair
He said, ?Love in a poem is the best persuasion
The best way to show you?re sincere?

So I wrote her a letter with all of my charms
Next day I came up beside her and held out my arms

Why can?t I ever get some good advice?
Her boyfriend read it and I paid the price
He beat me senseless and he stole my bike
(?though I protested)
Such a fight could have been avoided if I got some good advice

It happened again on the beach on my short vacation
The natives dancing with tequila and wine
I heard her whisper in my intoxication,
?You know your old lady, she won?t mind??

When I returned, my conscience weighed heavy
I asked my friends, how best do I proceed?

One said, ?Truth is the answer to all of your worries,?
And all of the others agreed.
I sat her down and confessed what I?d done
This time reminding her, ?Baby, you?re the only one.?

Why can?t I ever get some good advice?
She burned my house to the ground that night
She stole my dog, and I tried to get Sparks back
(I got arrested)
Once or twice, it?d be a miracle to get some good advice

Why do I always get the wrong advice?
Why was I marked as the unlucky type?
The judge and jury told me, I should fly a kite
(And she collected)
Once or twice, it?d make it easy if I got some good advice

I looked to my friends for a little direction
Turned to my uncle for a little correction
(You know I looked in the bible)
Went to my lawyer for some legal protection
I asked my doctor how to fight the infection
(The only miracle was my survival)

Socrates, Karl Marx and Niche,
Confucius, Buddha, Galileo Galilee,
Horoscopes and Dearest Abby,
Never changed my luck

So tell me Doctor, now that you?ve heard my story
What should I do to get things going my way?
He said, ?Turning your cheek is the way of the wise man
And vengeance will never pay.?
But I knew better than to trust what he said
This time I followed my own intuition instead

Can?t even give myself some good advice
My plan was foiled by security (at her villa)
I spent the next two weeks in cell 64B
(I got molested)
Jesus Christ, where you been hiding?
Cause I need some good advice