Song Description

Tells the story of where we got the name for the band.

Lyrics

Bernie Works bought a goat for the show
To walk across the stage.
He said: "Pet it and play with it, but don't overfeed it,
Or it won't walk across the stage."

Dress rehearsal tonight, and we open tomorrow,
And the goat walks across the stage.
I'm standing in the wings stage-left waving a carrot
And the goat walks across the stage.

And we're holding our breaths
as he crosses the stage,
And the children will be watching
and their parents will pay,
And we'll be one step closer to feeding the goat,
And then we'll all take a holiday.

Marty's an unemployed clown.
He's meeting Bernie today for an audition downtown.
After failing the test, he's all in a rage.
He sees a sign that says "Don't feed the goat"
backstage.
He takes the valium from his pocket with a grin,
But just at that moment, here come Joel and Jim!

Joel calls the police as Jimmy pushes him over,
And he's seeing yellow diamonds, blue stars and green clovers,
And that's not the right stuff to be feeding the goat,
And Jim and Joel just saved the day.

Tonight's the night that we've been waiting for
We'll get it just right if we don't hit the floor;
If we remember all of our lines,
And if the goat walks across the stage just fine.

We hold our breath as we're nearing the cue,
And we're standing in the wings stage-left with a view
And all at once our jaws drop
when we see what he's eating:
The director's prompt book.
And then he starts bleating.
And he doesn't want to eat the carrot anymore,
And Jim and Joel have to drag him across the stage floor.

And we were one step closer to feeding the goat,
And that's not the right stuff to be feeding the goat,
And I don't think tonight we'll be feeding the goat,
And Bernie Works is gonna pay