Hi. My name's Matt. I like music.

Birthday Tattoo -- Part I

March 23, 2007

Today (the "it's past midnight" today) is my 19th birthday. I had absolutely no intention of making a "special Broadjam Birthday post!!!!!1" when I came on this account an hour ago and reread my old writings.

Earlier today, I got the word Patience tattooed onto the back of my left hand. It is my only tattoo, and I have been writing the word on there with pen ink for three months, telling myself I would wait until my birthday to make a definite decision on whether or not I think it is a good and helpful thing to have. It has proven to be so, and I was and am firmly secure in my decision, such that all the negative input my friends and peers produced for me in the making of my decision was not enough to deter me from it.

If I, once I finish producing my album and am signed to a record label, develop a public image, I want it to be known that I am not a great condoner of tattoos. A tattoo *can* be a good thing, but it is a very, very serious decision and requires that one be making it out of responsiblity for the body God has given one. Also one must keep in mind that a tattoo should be decided out of personal, individual conviction, because it is a mark onto one's own body, and because each person's life circumstances and resulting convictions are unique.

For me, I chose to put the word "patience" on myself permanently because I have found that it is an incredibly important virtue to be conscious of throughout each day, one that (in the last three months at least) does not grow trite in meaning. Personally, it has taught me much, and will continue to teach me throughout the rest of my life.

I chose to put "patience" where I did -- the back of my hand -- because it is the most visible place (to me) on my body. It is in my sight every moment of the day, even now as I type it is staring me in the face, and that is exactly where it must be. Placed anywhere else, I would not see it very often, and it would virtually lose its effect and become just a conversation item, a rarely thought-of ornament beneath my always-adorned clothes.

My tattoo is also in plain, unembellished font; Comic Sans preciesly, because it most resembles a natural and realistic writing font. If it were flowery or artsy, although I doubt the word's effect would be entirely lost, I know that it would be dumbed down. It cannot be in any part there on account of "body art," as distributing its meaning in such a way takes away from the real meaning for which I had it engraved onto my hand.

As far as my limited mind can see, I won't be getting another tattoo. Of course I experienced the "tattoo high" that comes after getting your first tattoo, where you feel that, "Hey, that wasn't so scary," and, in the wake of what in reality was a huge personal decision, feel so proud and confident that you foolishly feel inclined to believe that tattoos are simple decisions, hardly morally related at all, and you could easily see yourself with a few more, cool and personally-defining tattoos. I identified these feelings without even knowing that I should be expecting them, and I shot them down with ease. If I do one day get another tattoo, it will only be after much serious personal contemplation and discussion. At this time, I have no inspiration or desire to even consider another tattoo.

Birthday Tattoo -- Part II

Birthday and tattoo aside, it has been four and a half months since I wrote in this "public journal." In my personal life, so much has transpired -- but this journal is not a window onto that aspect of my life. What is personal will remain personal. All I will do is summarize that, all things considered, life is good, and there is nothing I can do to repay God for the life I have.

Music is plodding along. I am nearing the end of my senior year in high school (7 weeks at most to finish), and then I will have two to three months to purely produce my album... and Jessa's album.

Yessir, I have the privilege of producing my sister's very own album, which, if I have anything to say about it after I've made some ground in the mainstream, will at least go Gold, if not Platinum. That is not because I have a personal bias towards Jessa, loving her as dearly as I do, but simply because it truly has great potential. And, being the controlling person that I am in the habit of being, I am enthralled that I can get my hands on her music and, in joint operation, tinker with it in my studio, embellish it into grand proportions. I won't let it out of my studio until it's a masterpiece, and it WILL become that.

I won't even bother talking about my music. I could gush all night long... You'll hear it when you hear it.

It's been a while - Part I

November 3, 2006

It has indeed been some time since I wrote on here! I was shocked to see the date on my last post being September 6... This is almost two months later, and yet it feels like little time has really passed.

My life has been a whirlwind of school, school, and more school. I finally finished 11th grade in early October, took a one and a half week vacation from school, and now am back to studying... But I'm not complaining about my 12th grade schedule, as it is beautifully slow-paced; my senior year, school-wise, will be the best year of my life.

Unfortunately, tacked onto my normal studies, my parents placed a mandatory 3 hours per day SAT prep requirement.

SAT prep is absolutely necessary, I fully realize, and it will only be until the end of this month, but it tickles a pet peeve of mine: Being controlled. I disdain the concept of being forced to, in addition to my regular studies, spend 3 hours each school day on some extracurricular studying. That's 15 extra hours a week.

A demon of injustice whispers reminiscences of how my parents were, as I was studying all summer with no break, consistently reminding me that my senior year would be easy... It finally arrives, finally, after all the all-nighters at the 24 hour wireless internet McDonald's, all the coffee sandwiches, repeats of techno and trance tracks, and horribly Ph-imbalanced stomachs. I finish in the middle of the week, want to take off until the end of the next week... I have to actually argue with my mother for that privilege, as she only wants to let me take the rest of the week off (two days)... and then I start school only to be told that, nevermind, you're not going to have that lax a schedule.

It's not really that bad, I still have a lot of freedom, just not as much as I had expected as my reward for all that cramming.

It's been a while - Part II

I just read a post on an extinct Myspace account of mine, early February, in which I wrote something along the lines of:
I've written and recorded 30 songs total, 20 within the last month. There's so much to record, but as of yet I can only record acoustic guitar and vocals, because all the other instruments, software-based, I'm getting downloaded, set up, and figured out... In about a month I'll be able to record all-out.

Now -- way past that one month estimate -- everything's backwards. Now, having realized what an incapable mic the PG58 is for professional quality recording, I purchased the internationally acclaimed, Best Studio Mic of '06 by an 80 judge panel, Rode NT2-A, plus shock mount and pop filter. Just about all the software I want is set up and ready to go, I know how to operate most of it, and I have professionally configured presets for all the eqs and compressors and whatnot.

So now, all the software is ready -- I can, right now, record everything in supreme quality, except acoustic guitar and vocals... How the tables turn.

Perhaps three more weeks and it will arrive. By then I should be just about finished with SAT preparation.

Oh, and American Idol Underground... Yeah. I simply didn't have the resources to get something good, something worth risking the admission fee, recorded. Time was too short, I had to finish my studies, and just as I was finishing and getting ready to do some recording, the owner of the NT2-A whom I had borrowed it from returned from Iceland and repossessed it. I then purchased my own, but it took two weeks to simply ship out of the factory, let alone arrive at my grandma's to then be sent on its -- at least -- two week journey here. I don't even think it's arrived at my grandma's yet...

Next time the Underground contest starts, probably another two quarters, I'd better have at least one full album completely recorded and published. If six months pass and I still am unable to fulfill my recording goals, I should probably not just give up on music but on life in general.

I like this blog. There are no comments enabled, I have no idea if anybody actually reads this or not, and I have little reason to believe anybody does... That makes it feel like a journal. I can write, for my own self-reflection more than anything, whatever I want. It's nice.

Matt Brown

Stiff competition?

September 6, 2006

I've been eyeing American Idol Underground for months now, drooling at the juicy Rock prize of 20,000 USD and thousands of dollars worth of packages, the 10,000 USD and packages for Pop prize, and other categories. Of course, with something called "American Idol Underground" and with prizes like that on the internet, where anybody can post for a small (yet still deterring) fee of 25 dollars, as hit-worthy as I feel my music under-production is, as seemingly chart topping as it may seem, I begin to, even before hearing other peoples' songs, doubt myself.

I just spent forty minutes going through the Pop channel... You get to choose the channel, and then the music player completely randomly throws songs at you, so all songs, great or terrible, high ranks as yet or low ranks as yet, get continually rated. There are a few settings for the rank (Vocal, Lyrics, Production, The "It" Factor, and Overall) and depending on the song, I averaged about 30 to 60 seconds a song. At first I gave each song around two minutes, or halfway, but it gets tedious, and I understand why people working at record labels, sorting through demos, throw things out so easily. A song has to grab your attention right away. Curse American media.

In those forty minutes, I listened to at least fifty songs, and even heard one song twice, apparently an indicator that I had gone through a good and large portion of what Pop music is available, or has been submitted. Whereas I was expecting to be blown away by at least one or two powerful songs, I was instead blown away by how weak the competition is. My gosh. It's a little scary how so many people can be so clueless as to how to write radio- hit-worthy songs.

Now, I fully respect their belief in their music as a personal style, a personal preference, regardless of what the mainstream wants to hear -- I write non-mainstream stuff a lot, and I am absolutely aware that a lot of what I write has little or no potential for being a hit, because I intrinsically know what kind of songs people want to hear... What pop rock songs top the charts. But with that knowledge, I know not to foolishly attempt to market the songs that aren't mainstream-worthy, but to only market songs that are, as I like to call them, "million dollar songs." And I have a few I'm working on, out of the bazillion total songs I'm working on in the half dozen + genres I'm working within.

Hearing the competition with my own ears really boosted my confidence. Wow. Maybe music is a gift... Gift + environment, that is. Not everyone has all the musically-inclined blessings that I have to stand on, I realize.

There are just under two months before the submissions box closes. It's been open for just over four full months... I'm going to shoot for both Pop and Rock categories, since those are the two highest reward categories, and because those are in fact my two strongest points, as I'm working on a plethora of songs in both. More pop than rock overall, and I have a lot of confidence about Pop, but Rock is iffy. However, I haven't tuned in to the Rock stations yet to see what I'm up against... Considering what Rock songs I have in store, if the competition is even nearly as weak as the Pop category, I should do well.

Hm. I feel so confident, but at the same time, I simply cannot imagine myself actually winning over all those people. It happens though, and to real life, ordinary people. I guess we'll see what comes.

Time passage

September 4, 2006

Thinking about the passage of time is... I mean, it can be a depressing thing. It doesn't have to be. It only is depressing if I allow my subconscious to tell me that all these memories I have in my mind are perfect, that my past experiences were celestial and without trouble. They definitely were good times though, compared to "now" -- now being me sitting here at my computer, alone, away from my loved ones. But "now" in the sense of my life as it is in general, with all the time remaining for having incredible experiences and with all my pseudo-family members around me to make them with, is perhaps one of the best nows I will ever experience. It's beautiful.

I'm listening to Soliloquy. This song has so much potential. Being the artist, I can see it, I know what's missing, I know what needs to be done, the proper mixing, equalizing, compression, etc. that needs to be applied, for it to simply sound better, and then what different ways I want to present it in a finalized, album-worthy version. I can imagine both types of song it's going to be, the electronica instrumental version (this + modifications), and the hard rock radio song. It's amazing.

Last night I sat down with my acoustic guitar and thought, "I want to write a brand new acoustic guitar song." And so I placed my fingers on two strings in a way that I instinctively knew had potential to produce a good sound, and played a rhythym on the chord. I fiddled with it for a while, realized that doing a drop-D would make for a more full strum and so dropped the top string, then finished the basic tune, with a unique rhythym and everything. I randomly sung something for the first line to go with the chord structure, it had a really good and syncopated feel on first try, and I refined that phrase a little, then built my song off of it. From there, after setting up the basis for the song, I was and am set. I can already imagine what it's going to sound like throughout. It's beautiful.

Not that this last song is my only new song. I've written nearly a dozen new and good songs in the last month. I'm getting better at developing them in the first moments of discovery too, so these ones have a lot more potential than older ones. I just hope I don't forget them, since most of the songs I wrote this last month I haven't bothered to record.

The music that you're going to hear... I'm still not used to the idea of developing this image being a huge musician, as I invariably end up having when/if I "make it," simply because big and famous musicians generally have an impenetrable aura about them, something you might call mystique, so that from their music you idolize them and immediately make pretensions about their personal character, based on their music. This is terribly wrong, but people, myself included, do this all the time, and not just in regards to musicians, or even famous people in general, but simply in regards to people whose work or whose actions they find respectable. You might call it the "pedestal syndrome," in that we all enjoy placing other people on pedestals so that we ourselves can feel as if we have no choice about being in our positions of "inferiority," and so we feel more content about ourselves, whilst enjoying the work of those who we deem "better than us."

A maximum of three more weeks to go and I'll be free!

Progress of Events - Pt. 1

July 24, 2006
It has been a month since I last wrote on here. In that month, much has happened.

I have an established friendship with Runar, an Icelandic musician whose music and live performances I highly enjoy. I had told him of the recording studio spoken of in my last entry, and at his request taken him there and, acting as translator, helped determine prices and other details with the lead sound engineer. Two nights later, we both went over, he to record some new songs, me to help him speak with the Chinese engineers and be there as an English-speaking companion and music-appreciator -- I offered my encouragement frequently, and we threw ideas back and forth about what other instruments and things we might add here and there. He gave mention that night of lending me his own recording mics in September, which are high quality, for an indefinite period of time, to use in my own studio. That being the final, main lacking ingredient in my studio, I felt very blessed by this offer. Of course, he showed interest in recording his album in my studio, as a joint-feature in lending his mics to me, for my studio has equipment set up and is record-ready, and, most importantly, is soundproofed.

Then last Friday night we met at Sundance to play music together -- except for two guitar instrumentals of my own creation, I simply backed up his songs with very soft drumkit playing, using my hands as sticks for most of the songs -- and stayed until midnight chatting, me mostly listening to stories between him and his wife of their memorable experiences here, and listening to another rather wild woman, a friend of Runar's, retell her adventures regarding one late night of incessant wine drinking, and an elevator that broke down for five minutes while she was in it, leaving her in a state of utmost panic. It was here that Runar's wife revealed, most amusingly, her profound fear of elevators, and a certain tendency she had of always preparing to jump while in an elevator if said elevator were to suddenly fall; for she had seen on TV (Runar asided to me that it had actually only been a cartoon) that if you jumped right before the elevator hit the bottom floor, you would survive. Such was her fear that when they were in an elevator rising to the 24th floor of a building the previous day to check out an apartment, she had been crouched and trembling the entire time. Despite their loving the apartment, she simply would not have it for fear of having to take that elevator every day, and instead of taking the elevator back down to leave the building, she demanded that they take the stairs. Stories aside, Runar mentioned that I can come by any time this week before he leaves for his return visit to Iceland to pick up his studio mics, which means I will not have to spend any money whatsoever on recording at the local studio, and will not need to buy a mic of my own... This means that at the completion of my schoolwork this summer, I will have a large of sum of money with no need of spending it on either things I once thought I would have to spend it on: A professional recording mic of my own, or professional studio time. It seems I will finally be able to buy the Ultimate Ear earphones after all.

So, at some point during this week, I will come into posession of good recording mics, and will finally be able to record both acoustic guitar and vocals in a quality that is album-worthy.

Progress of Events - Pt. 2

I am thinking of, instead of releasing my songs one-by-one as multiple drafts or even as finalized songs, waiting to complete my album in its entirety before releasing any of it at all. There is so much fantastic material that will be on it, I want the listeners to be impacted by all of it combined as by one great tidal wave, as opposed to many small surf-worthy waves, one crashing after another. There's actually an element of great joy that I find in holding my work from people; I feel like I have the upper hand on them, like I know something they don't, am in possession of an incredible composition of songs that they are completely oblivious to, and when the time comes, I will be able to take them by complete surprise. Oh how fun that will be, and how worth it the wait.

Matt

Discovery

June 24, 2006

Two nights ago I finally took a trip to the recording studio Caleb had been telling me about. It's beautiful, and not too pricey. With receipts (i.e. if I'm financed by a label) , 200 yuan an hour, and less without. This is so exciting. I've all but discarded my previous idea of spending tons of money on an expensive mic for home recording. I'll put the money to good use getting mic'ed recordings done in the professional studio, and if I'm not mistaken, I can even have them mix and master all the other pieces that I record on my own, like the piano, electric guitar, drums, etc. This is my key to a top-notch demo.

And I just came up with another brand new, absolutely unique from everything else I've done, and simply beautiful song on my twelve-string guitar. It's wow. And I got a beautiful harmonic piece that's part of it. The harmonics ring and soar so sweetly, so much sweeter than on a traditional 6-string, it's like there's a chorus distortion in the background, only better because it's real acoustics. Ah! I'm going nuts! I need to get all this school over with!

Matt

Preparations

June 16, 2006

I was browsing through Michael Rossback's myspace, and I saw a picture that shocked me and made more real the future that I'm rapidly veering into.
http://www.michaelrossback.com/New%20Photos/pages/DSC00013_jpg.htm
It's huge. One day I'll be there, and it is that thought that shakes me. The thought of leaving my life as it is, leaving my bitter-sweet life that I am so attached to, this beautiful city that I've spent my life in and know like an old friend, and my friends and sisters whom I love so dearly, wakes me up. When I'm on that stage, this life will have been shattered, and I will never be able to return.

But I comfort myself with two facts: First, that humans always adapt, and second, that nothing ever stays the same. In two years, I will either be in college or on that stage, and there simply is no other option, and so there is no use arguing. Besides, if I make it to that stage, I'll be set for life monetarily speaking. Though I'm not sure whether that's good or bad... Perhaps being destitute would be better for me, since it would teach me to depend more on God? But God knows what I need. I personally like the idea of having enough money so that, as long as I don't become a frivolous freak like Michael Jackson, I never have to worry about it. Continually draw nearer to God every day, and I will be more in tune with how He wants me to commit my funds and my time. That means now.

Matt

DAH!

June 13, 2006

So I go into the soundroom with a freshly printed tab sheet for Coldplay's "Til Kingdom Come," -- which I'm in love with -- and I sit down and begin detuning my guitar according to the sheet. Unfortunately I detune it wrong the first time and start tuning it back up, stop after only having corrected the first string or so, so that I have an even weirder tuning, and somehow or other start playing this absolutely amazing new tune. It has elements of a few of my other songs, but the chords I came up with for it on this new tuning are different, and the rhythm, oh the rhythm is catchy in a way I hadn't been able to achieve with my other similar songs... And it's so beautiful. It's so beautiful...

But DAH! I can't work on it or even record a draft to share with people because I have to take a midterm tonight, it's 7:40 PM, and I haven't even finished learning the material! Oh how I wish I could be done with school for the summer...

Matt

Hasn't left yet

June 5, 2006

So whereas in the early parts of the year I would play my guitar every day, practicing and learning songs and writing one or two new songs almost every day, most recently I've forced myself to stop doing this, with occasional exceptions. It seemed that every time I sat down with my guitar, I would come up with something new, often quite fine, and every once in a while I would uncover a particularly beautiful gem while sifting through the sands of potential, and I would record a quick five-minute draft of it for future reference and rediscovery, since if I left it for even a day it would forever disappear back beneath the shores of invention and infinite creativity.

Recently to be more faithful to my studies, I have for the most part been careful not to experiment on the guitar, lest I uncover more gems and am forced to take the time to, in those critical first moments of discovery and inspiration, clean them off and carve into them a brief description of the envisioned final product of pulchritude that is rapidly slipping through the cracks in the fingers of my imagination's grasp. And I must do this with every new find, so that when I go through my stores in the future I will not overlook any, but will be able to once again, by those first impressions that I drafted, capture that glimpse of awareness as to what potential each one has.

This afternoon, after a good long morning and early afternoon of real studying, I decided to indulge and sit down with the conscious intention of writing something new, partially to take a well-deserved break and partially just to see if I still "had it in me." I came up with two good, fresh tunes -- one that will fit with my "pop rock" songs, and one for the more acoustic guitar oriented songs -- and recorded drafts of both. It was satiating to my creative demon, which has not been well fed recently, at least by the standards that I had accustomed it to in the past, but it alternatively reminded me of my own painful craving to once and for all begin shaping and designing and finalizing all the precious gems that are sitting in my stores, so that I may begin giving to them to others that they might share in my enjoyment of them, as it is a lonely thing to have something beautiful that you and you alone can enjoy.

But the time when I can finally begin this process of refinement will be at hand soon enough. I have no choice but to be patient.

Matt

Frustration

May 19, 2006

This morning I went into my recording room to practice some cover songs that I'm considering playing for a gig that I'm considering doing at a considerable time next week. After sitting down with my acoustic guitar, I remembered that my second capo had broken, meaning I couldn't practice Yearn, which is what I need to practice most. Of course, there were other over songs that still could be practiced, but I instead decided to make a run through as many of my own acoustic guitar tunes and songs as I could pull off the top of my head.

I was quite pleasantly surprised. I recalled nearly a dozen recent, unique acoustic songs of my own. It was fun. Need to give them all lyrics before the gig though, if I'm going to play them... heh.

Now, I'm up to about 70 or 80 recorded songs and tunes, but they're in a wide variety of genres, from acoustic guitar or piano instrumentals to acoustic rock songs to zoner songs to pop rock songs to emo rock songs to heavy metal and then some. Hm. How overwhelming.

It's very frustrating. I have so much material I want to work on. However, I can't really complete any songs until I get that new Peluso mic. And I can't get that mic until I finish all my school for the summer... So I guess I should just sit down and work my butt off for a few good weeks, then be done with school for the rest of the summer and have my beautiful pro mic? Simple solution. Truth solution. Dah dah dah, dah dah. The only solution.

Matt

Rainy Day, Please Go Away

May 17, 2006

Section 1

Not really. It just sounds like a better parody name.

So I'm finishing up some recording for a fresh rock song I made this afternoon. I've spent about two and a half hours recording all the parts for the intro -- two layered acoustic guitars, groovy drums coming in halfway through the intro, and three electric guitars for effects -- and the guitars for the first chorus, and I decide I should quit and go eat and study. I go in the house, but "dah!" there's no bread for my sandwiches. The typhoon is in effect, so there are spurts of heavy winds, but the rain is going through a light session. I decide to go buy bread.

I notice some small rain boots in our shoe rack and manage to get them on after straining quite dearly (apparently they're my ai yi's), but I give them a few paces and realize that by the time I'm down the hill, I'll end up taking them off to walk barefoot to ease the pain. I go with my just-repaired hiking shoes. Comfy.

After arriving at the campus convenience store just down the hill, I grab a Coke and search desperately for bread but don't see any, only bakery goods, which tempt me briefly. Just as I'm walking up to the counter with my Coke, the one man in line walks away, having finished paying for his products, and I don't have to wait a moment. The lady says, "two kuai six." I look in my wallet and find two kuai and five mao in change, but spend the next two minutes searching desperately for the one mao that I know is there somewhere within the cacophony of varied bills, but that I can't seem to find. As I'm searching, another lady that works there says something to the lady at the counter. The cashier looks at her, grins, and repeats, "two kuai six." The lady says something else, and the cashier again grins at her friend and says, "two kuai six." I chuckle mentally, relating her random exclamation to something I would do, and tune this out and continue my search, but eventually give up and give her three kuai.

After getting my four mao change, I leave and begin my walk over to Anderson's, which, being a bakery, will for sure have bread. As I'm leaving, the pounding, emo chorus for my new song playing itself back in my head, I get a call from mom. She asks where I am, and I, unwarrantedly exasperated as usual, tell her I'm out getting something, and what is she calling for, it's six forty-five and I'm off my "school time." She says she's just checking up, because the typhoon's hitting and it's dangerous in the streets. I tell her I'll be fine, and we hang up. Nearing the gate, I open my Coke, holding my umbrella upright with my arm, and taste it to find that it's Vanilla Coke. Dah. Second time in a row.

This five or more minute walk goes by without event, except for sporadic gushes of wind that impede my progress, and I enter the quiet, warm bakery, past a couple of monks sitting huddled outside the shop but under its protective awning. I begin to grab two of the three loaves of white bread available on the shelf, but notice as I'm doing so that they are cut into double-thick slices, which won't do. The only normal-sliced bread is one loaf of wheat bread, though, so I settle for one of that and one of white, then impulsively grab the last loaf of raisin bread.

There's someone still checking out this time and I have to wait about a minute, but I don't even notice the time go by. After the person checks out, I set my loaves down on the counter and begin digging through my wallet for twenty-two kuai. As I'm doing so, another lady comes up and sets her goods in front of mine on the counter. My mind takes a fraction of a second to think thoughts approximately like this: "Hm. What the crud. I'm standing in front of the counter, the checkout lady knows I was here well before this other lady, so there's nothing to worry about I guess."

Rainy Day, Please Go Away (pt. 2

Section 2

I'm quickly distracted by my efforts to find two ten kuai bills -- a few hundreds and plenty of ones in plain sight, but the tens are buried well. I dump half the contents of my wallet on the counter trying to find the second ten, and finally do so and set the twenty-two kuai in my hand, only to notice the cash register says twenty-two and five; I don't even try looking for a five mao and just give her twenty-three. I return the contents of my wallet to itself, and then notice one last, crumpled bill on the counter that I almost overlooked -- a one mao.

As I'm imagining how ironic this is, I see the intrusive lady behind me look at my raisin bread and hear her mutter what sounds like the Chinese word for "corn," then ask the cashier, "Is there any more of that left?" The cashier says no, and the intrusive lady turns around and walks back to the shelves. I pick up my raisin bread and examine it closely, wondering if I had somehow missed that disturbing ingredient, but I see only raisins inlaid in the bread and set it back down.

I get my change and leave.

The thought of taking a taxi up to my house flitters across my mind, and I subconsciously invent some vague thread of an argument about how it might be dangerous to walk, or the typhoon might suddenly hit full on, or it would just be so much simpler than the ten minute, wind-battling walk, but I know I've taken two taxis already today and that this is not really necessary.

I do indeed have to fight some heavy winds, and two minutes into my walk, almost at the entrance of McDonald's, the most powerful burst yet strikes, stopping me still for a full minute with my umbrella pointed towards the wind to stop the rain. As I stand my ground against the rage, I look back and see an available taxi parked no more than fifty feet away. This annoys me, because I know I'm not going to take it, having set myself upon walking home. I then peer out the side of my umbrella, still standing in one place pressing my shield against the wind waiting for calm, to watch the lateral rain sweep ferociously across the streets. As I do this, the wind increases even more, and a wooden sign that had been sitting in place across the street at the entrance to the tunnel, having withstood all the previous blasts of wind since the typhoon's start, now blows clear up in the air and away, along with numerous other articles of trash and debris. Unable to look out from my umbrella at the direction that the wind was coming from, I am left with my imagination creating visions of monstrous tree branches flying up the street at me, and premonitions of getting hit in the head and knocked twenty feet. Then my mother will say, "I told you so." But the wind subsides, and since the rain itself is really light, I take down my umbrella and continue the rest of the journey without it up. I am able to move much quicker now, and by the time I get home I am only mildly wet.

I eat.

Matt

There

May 14, 2006

I uploaded a short piano instrumental, Mystery, that I recorded through the now-working The Grand 2.

Ah, it will be sweet once I get a full orchestra going. Unfortunately, it will take a while to get that set up, but it will be fun to try and write and record entire orchestral scores.

Piano

May 11, 2006

I finally figured out a way to record with the piano program! I'm so excited, I can now start recording piano pieces -- it really sounds beautiful, I'll tell you. Will post something soon.

Matt

Decisions

May 10, 2006

It's either the UE-10 Pro monitors or the Peluso 251 microphone:
http://www.ultimateears.com/custom/Custom-Ear-Monitors.htm
or
http://www.proaudiodesign.com/productinfo.php?ItemID=201213

Ah! I want both! I've been drooling over those monitors for two years... but I *need* a top-end mic to replace my wimpy Shure PG58.

I don't drink coffee!!!

May 5, 2006

Ahhh! I'm jittering from the mere 2/5 pot of coffee I drank this morning! Can't... focus... sit still... calm... How are unique characteristics of chordates expressed in lancelets? Look at the funny, bearded man with the glasses in this advertisement. Johnny Neel. His beard's bigger than mine. It's white too. Mine's not blonde. That looks really funny, my chapstick standing upside down next to my speaker. Haha. Hahahaha. Hahahaha!! A mental image flashed across my mind of the chapstick literally standing... like, with two legs, and two arms sticking out its side. You know what else looks funny? Oh there's that useless compass that won't hold any angle setting I set it to, which really makes drawing figures for my Geometry projects hard. I imagine that though it is laying there so inanimate, so innocent, it is inwardly laughing at me. Laughing like a witch. Which would mean it's a female. But inanimate objects don't have gender, just like souls (ode to Kalli; it's been like two months). Then again, neither do they think, much less exhibit emotion, such as the emotion that produces laughter. And what is it with me and using such fancy names for my songs? "Soliloquy", "Premonition" (an as yet unreleased instrumental), "Iliad", "Road to Perdition." Oh dear, I have to pee again.

Matt

Special (pt. 1)

May 4, 2006

I feel special writing a journal entry on a pay-only musician's account at broadjam, as opposed to the trite xanga of my peers. Of course, I didn't actually pay the 100 dollars that this 1-year ProMoB account costs, because I received the account as an extra goodie for buying my Mbox 2, but I still feel unique.

But uniquity is not found in individual attributes... An isolated proton in my brain is no different than a proton in the wood that composes my guitar -- and there is the key to uniqueness: Composition. One tiny segment of someone's fingerprint might be the same as a segment of the print on another's finger, but take a look at the combined segments and you find that every combination of fingerprint segments in the world is unique.

Oh dear, I'm rambling on philisophical mumbo jumbo again... I probably should save all that for my book, that far-off goal that is the result of just another one of my many ambitions...

Probably? As in I'm not sure? Either I should save it all for my book or none of it, shouldn't I? No, legalism in this case is unnecessary, but by what definite rules can I determine when is right to--

Um.

So I should be working on completing a few Biology tests, but my body is coursing with caffeine from the coffee I drank this afternoon, and I'm feeling carefree; hence this entry.

I'm writing an autobiography/diary. I can hardly attempt to complete it any time soon, for the forces outside my control (namely, time, which has a curiously permanent and undeniable relation to age, the years of which I must possess quite a few of in order to produce a real, concluding autobiography but that I do not yet have). Still, the way in which I am writing it is quite interesting, such that if I keep it up over the years it might make for quite the unique account of a life. I find it to be an interesting method of autobiographical writing in that, so far, I have written almost entirely of recent events; events that just occurred a few weeks ago, or even an event that just occurred yesterday. It seems that I can recall my actual thoughts, feelings, and motives, even accurate pieces of conversation and social interaction, better in this way, and besides, it helps me analyze my self that is current; not my self that "was back then" but that "is presently." I write it with a style that suggests that the events recorded were events that happened some time in the past, so it reads like an autobiography, but in reality most of what I recount is still fresh with me.

Thanks to the relentlessly time-consuming occupations of mine that are school and music, I've only dedicated time to working on it thrice, so that it is only six or so pages now. It will probably end up in my recycling bin someday on an impulse, as has been the fate of so many of my other writings that I deemed pointless results of wasted time that I should not continue wasting time on, and "Why on earth did I write this?" But I can hope not.

Special (pt. 2)

On the note of being a busy individual, it seems ironic that I should be thriving so successfully in my studies and music off the lack of the very thing that I desire most, yet which is the responsible parent of what sources this environment of mine that I am tapping into for my unusual degree of success: Sociality. Because I'm not able to spend all too much with my friends and siblings in Christ, I find myself holding gobs of spare time in my hands, which I most always end up investing in either studies or music, and which makes me quite proficient in both. I would prefer to invest the majority of my free time socializing with close ones, as I am not at all an intentional introvert but am only made to look so to some by my situation, but this has been a choice that I am not often allowed to make. But seeing as how over the years my talents have been so greatly honed by this, it seems evident that it is for this reason that God has willed my situation to be what it is. [Note: I have not yet thoroughly explored the topic of God's will vs. humans' will, so I am not entirely grounded yet on how much of a role God's will plays in the course of life.] A little suffering for a lot of gain, one might say. And besides, I feel that the only reason why I do in fact feel a trifle isolated at times is because of my poor relationship with God, so that if I were closer to God I would not even experience that suffering. It is something that I need to make everything revolve around, and consciously so, yet it, reason, has time and again been buried unreasonably under a pile that represents actions. I need to hold it up above all, and focus my actions towards supporting it, not have it supporting my actions.

Yesterday I came up with the primary portions of what is going to be my most incredible song yet, and I recorded part of the song composition then and today. I've set April down to rest for a while so I can approach it with a fresh perspective whenever I next work on it, and am obsessing over this new song. It's become much more than just a guitar tune -- the exposition is enrapturing, the rising action insidiously calm, and the climax... I get shivers down my spine every time I play through the climax on the guitar. As for the lyrics and vocals, I've restarted them a couple of times already for lack of satisfaction. This afternoon though I think I hit a good first stanza that suits the feel of the music well enough to keep.

Still, beauty is in the eye, and my word is no better than that of a proud parent bearing up their ugly, newborn baby as the most beautiful to ever be conceived. I refuse to tout even a completed draft of the song -- only the song in its final, flawless stage will do. All my best efforts, all the rerecording and remixing that is necessary, regardless of how time consuming it may be, are going into the making of this song. The song is simply-- *ahem*

Aside from that, I've got quite the fancy acoustic guitar instrumental in the works. It's faster than all my previous, and much different than Glory or Two and Two-Thirds mind you, as well as the other eight or so guitar instrumentals I've got threads of sitting in storage to be picked up when I find the time. Whenever I need a break from the stressful, decisions-packed recording that full compositions like April and this new song demand, I sit down and work a little on that instrumental.

Special (pt. 3)

The majority of time I spend recording guitar instrumentals is spent in actual recording -- recording a certain guitar part however many times necessary until it's clean enough (generally around 50 takes), then working on the next one. It only takes a fraction of "session time" to figure out what this or that guitar should be doing to compliment the main guitar, the rest is simply sitting in front of the mic playing the part over and over into perfection. And that's easy, soothing to my mind, something I can do for hours on end, the same reason I can spend hours each day practicing classical piano pieces and not become bored.

Well, I'm finally exhausted of that which urged me to write here. Congratulations if you've endured thus far; I hope you garnered some fantastic new understanding of my persona through this series of entries.

Matt

Introducing...

May 1, 2006

Hi. Forgive the empty song bank. I've uploaded an experimental song for now, which apparently will take about one business day to "encode,"

I'm focusing most of my recording time on a single project, a song called April. It may take a couple of weeks to complete to my satisfaction -- we'll see how much time I put into that in opposition to my school. It should be nice.