Story Behind The Song

One holiday season here in South Florida, as we drove across a bridge over the Intracoastal Waterway, we observed "Santa Claus" kicking back on the back of a party boat. My kids, who were very young at the time, asked what Santa was doing here right after Christmas, so I told them he just needed some time off after his busy season. The idea came from there, and I just thought "what would happen if Santa decided to retire down here?" so I decided to write about it. Right now the song is backed by karaoke tracks with me singing, but on Oct 17, it is scheduled to be recorded by a Grammy winning producer in Nashville.

Song Description

Disgruntled Santa Claus, sick of it all - snow, the grind, people taking him for granted - decides he's through with Christmas. He takes off to Florida and finds himself in a Tiki bar with the intention of drinking his troubles away and blowing off Christmas. After he vents his frustration, a bartender by the name of Bonnie tries to convince him not to give it all up...

Lyrics

Santa went down to Florida
He was lookin' for a little sun
He just couldn't take one more snowflake
So he'd just up and run.

Well he came across this Tiki hut
The bartender was smokin' hot
And he hauled his butt up on that barstool
And said "Girl let me tell you what,

Now I bet you didn't know it
But I've been known to kick back a few -
I'll be here all night and if you treat me right
I'll take real good care of you.

Now you run a mighty fine bar here, girl
And I'm a-dyin' for a nice cold beer.
I'm tired and stressed and my back is a mess
I been bustin' my hump all year!"

The girl said "My name's Bonnie,
And it would be a sin -
A DUI on Christmas Eve
Santa I don't think I can!"


Santa ready up that sleigh
And drive them reindeer quick
You've got to get around the world
'cause you're jolly old Saint Nick
And if you do the kids will wake up
Filled with Christmas cheer
But if you don't there'll be no joy this year

INSTR

Santa threw a hundred on the bar
And said "Let's start this show!"
And he clapped his hands
and laughed out loud
And shouted "Ho Ho Ho!"

Then he ordered straight tequila
And he sucked that shooter down,
Then he licked his lips and bellowed
"Buy the house another round!"

And though everyone was cheering
All knew something was amiss
As he launched into his tale of woe
And it sounded something like this:

INSTR

"There's just no easy way to say it -
That's it - I quit - I'm done
I'm through with Christmas, people,
But hey - it's been quite a run.

"Well I just can't do this anymore
This one night worldwide whirlwind tour

Strict air traffic regulations
Gift cards are the new sensation
My overhead is killing me
I can't compete with the dang Chinese
There's, PETA and OSHA and the IRS,
The paperwork's a total mess

The elves - them bums want an HMO
My workshop's gonna be foreclosed
Some corporate weenies own Rudolph's nose
And on, and on, and on, and on it goes!"

When Santa finished Bonnie said
"Well that's pretty sad big guy,"
And then she jumped up on his lap
And like an angel from on high
She sang

Joy to the World and Silent Night
Star of Royal Beauty Bright
White Christmas and Let it Snow
Mama kissin' Santa under mistletoe

INST

The old man bowed his head
Because he knew that she was right
And he whistled and his sleigh appeared
From somewhere out of sight

Bonnie said "Santa just come on back
If you ever wanna hang out again
Santa said "Thank you Bonnie - this is gonna be
The best Christmas that's ever been!"