Story Behind The Song

I wrote this song from the perspective of my father, mostly, imagining his way of thinking, using his penchant for complaining and brooding as a way to understand him. I believe we are alike in many ways, including our sometimes overbearing pessimism, which I find it beautiful in its own right. Whereas "Don't Say I'm Not Your Daughter" seeks more to confront him, "I Don't Want to Die Like This" seeks to unite us in our idiosyncratic likenesses.

Song Description

The man narrating the song is a hardcore redneck who raises cows and goats, hermitizes himself from his visiting family members, and doesn't believe in God--probably. Although one time, he did find his long lost velvet hat out in the pasture which he had lost during a violent flood--and it still had diamond pins in it. "Only an act of God could cause that," he said. This song gives insight into his way of thinking, and reveals the insecurities behind his tough, boondock-weary exterior.

Lyrics

Why?m I always disappointed?
Always glad to condescend?
Why?m I always fronting toughness
Ahead of the insecurities I tend?

You know I cannot have my confidence
Like God has his righteous book
And I cannot leave the house without it, oh no
So no hermit is a saint, but no saint is good-looking

Chorus 1:
What if I wake up one day and I?m ninety-five
And I regret I never took this spring?s bluebonnet ride
Because I?m too afraid to live
Too afraid to give in
But I don?t want to die like this

And everybody blames their childhood
The horrors they?ve seen, the blood they?ve shed
It?s just another name or two to be taken in vain
No words don?t mean a thing when you curse the dead

Chorus 2:
What if I wake up one day and I?m fifty-five
And I regret I never took this spring?s bluebonnet ride
Because I?m too afraid to live
Too afraid to give in
But I don?t want to die like this
No I don?t want to die like this

Bridge:
What if I turn off the light and I can?t dream?
What if I open my eyes and I can?t breathe?
What if I hold out my hand and God can?t save me?
Does it mean this aimless path is my destiny?

Hey the rancor of a redneck cannot be rescinded
The rudeness of anger cannot be revoked
I say ?warsh? and ?warter? and get reprimanded
By this daughter who says I?m an unspoken joke

Let?s take another swig, slake another itch
Slap another bitch silly and blame it on the nip
And I?ll listen to one last Carter and Cash
Yeah baby I?ll slit my wrist but I won?t die fast

Chorus 3:
What if I wake up one day and I?m twenty-five
And I regret I never took one spring bluebonnet ride
Because I?m too afraid to live
Too afraid to give in
But I don?t want to die like this
So please don?t let me die like this
I don?t want to die like this
I don?t want to die like this?