Story Behind The Song

I started writing this song while in LA with my son, who was in very critical condition in need of an unexpected and emergency heart transplant. Day after day I watched him struggle in intensive care and then, following the transplant, struggle to accept this new path and associated vulnerabilities that had never occurred to him. I needed to be strong for him. Those around us applauded my "strength." Inside, I was frightened and I felt weak. My son had always been especially special (if that makes sense) to me, having come into my life as a 5-week-old infant and relying on me to be both mother and father. Our personalities are so compatible and I think we always drew strength from each other. I couldn't imagine life without him and refused to entertain the possibility, except in those dark moments when the reality of that possibility broke through my denial. In the last verse, I explain that there is an order to life - children don't go first so you're not allowed to go to "sleep" until I do. As difficult as it is for me to listen to this song, sometimes I do to remind myself that, as scared as I was, we got through that challenging period in our lives.

Song Description

Feeling vulnerable at the thought of losing someone you love

Lyrics

I'm Not That Strong

V1: I know the sun won't shine
If your life don't touch mine
'Cause you define who I am
In a way that means the most
So please stay close
And tell me you're OK
May be a lie but I need to hear it anyway
I'm trying to keep the pieces
Where they belong
If you're not here
How can I go on?

Chorus: 'Cause I'm not that brave
And I'm not that strong
If you think I am
Well, you've got it wrong
I can carry your weight
Only for so long
I tell you now I'm not that strong

V2: Pull me off this ledge
I'm getting perilously close to the edge
It's hard to go - go so far
When I think of where - where you are
'Cause that's where I must be
Close enough to hold you when you reach for me
I know you're scared
I'm scared too
Did that even occur to you?

Chorus

V3: Come on, let's go home
Now is not the time that I should be alone
Once I'm asleep you can leave
But not till then, please promise me
Someday I'll go and prepare you a place
So when you arrive you'll see my face

Chorus