Lyrics

WAITRESS
My name's not hey, honey, sweetie or come over here
you see I've got me a first name and I'm going to tell it to you clear
don't snap your bony fingers because I think it's really quite rude
it makes me take extra time with your waters and I want to spit in your food

but I would never do that
but sometimes I wish that I could
you see the chicken dish that you ordered well it sucks
but you bought it and that makes me feel really good.

This isn't how I want to spend my life
Dealing with you and your pain in the ass wife
I actually have my college degree
And I'm offering you some free therapy
On what it is to be nice a courtesy
I've learned in my short sweet life
Here's you bill
Thank you so much for the tip
That's fifty percent to put up with your shit.

You want a Coke with no ice,
A water and a beer and a glass of wine too,
Shall I get you some more liquids?
Some Slippery Nipples or a pitcher of Woo Woos?
A side salad sounds nice
With no tomatoes or cucumbers
And could you put the lettuce on the side?
Shall I get you every dressing?
It would be such a blessing
To have you out of my life

I just had to get this off of my chest,
I truly love life to its fullest
You see I dig people who are just like me because they smile
And they laugh and they even say please
Now I feel much better thanks for the ear
If this song sounds like you please try to change gears
Take care of all the people who take care of you
Because isn't that what Life's all about, Charlie Brown?