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General Comments
a lot of factors go into whether or not a song is commercial. This song is too long for commercial radio but length doesn't enter into the equation if you're pitching this to a music library for use as background music in a television show or movie. Hopefully you asked for and received the individual stem files or individual wave or session files so the music library can make cues and edit this song into shorter sections. The chorus is catchy and memorable but it's also unpredictable because there are three different choruses with three different hooks...He Believed/She Believed and Just Believe in love...my advice is keep the chorus consistent so the listener can sing along without being caught off guard with new lyrics. Your form is verse/chorus/verse/chorus/verse/chorus/verse/chorus/tag...there are very few commercial country songs with three or more verses being played on today's commercial radio. keep your songs short of 4 minutes...the closer to three minutes the better...this is a country song but it's written in more of an Americana folk story song.How does the singer know these intimate personal details of the boys life? Without a connection between the singer and the boy the story lacks credibility. The main problem i see lyrically is the boy becomes a man and still believes in Unicorns etc?? Those metaphors don't work as well as a man as they did when he was a child in my opinion. I like the happy ending...
Artist's Submitted Question:
Unfortunately, I started writing music late in life. It's something I always wanted to do, but never had the time before to do it justice. Now, at 72, I think I probably waited too long. I love writing music, but I think this will be my last attempt. I'd appreciate your frank opinion as to whether my songwriting has some promise, or whether I should some other way to express my creativity. Thanks.
The instrumental track without any vocals is very pitchable to music libraries and placement opps here on Broad jam...very professionally done. The vocalist is great...the song has movie and television possibilities but because of the length radio is most likely out of the picture. Maybe an indie artist who isn't concerned about radio airplay would consider it.You are the same age as I am and i'm still writing and pitching my songs with success so age is not a factor. Money will become a factor if you keep demoing songs that are too long for artists to record unless you're specifically writing for indie artists and music libraries. Use the evaluations as a learning tool. Submit simple guitar vocals and get feedback before spending $$$ on a fully produced demo. You have a vivid imagination and a good understanding of rhyme and meter. Your melodies are catchy and memorable.Don't be ready to give up on yourself quite yet. There is a song hidden in this complicated arrangement and story line.My advice is learn from this and apply what you learn to your next song and get feedback before you demo it. Keep writing because you love to write not because you want to hit the musical lottery. Few do...Hone your craft...use as much imagery as you can...paint detailed and descriptive word pictures. Learn from your competition. Google the top 100 songs in your genre...compare the form/structure of the verses/choruses etc and overall length of song.
Quote From Pro
William Larson has the imagination and creativity along with the musical skill to write a catchy memorable and meaningful song.
Artist Comments
I was planning to give up. This was so very helpful; well worth the cost. I will do it again. Thank you, Robert.
Bob Dellaposta has over 50 years experience as a professional in the music industry.
• Co-founded Silver Spring Music Publishing (BMI) and On The Row Music Publishing (ASCAP) in …