Trial of Despair

Story Behind The Song

The story is implicit throughout: I had several years of alcoholism to mask the pain of sexual abuse, during which I took several willing yet confused lovers who were most often as intoxicated as I. The one who stayed in my life the longest, helped me create the song, and matched me drink for drink back in the day was my guitarist and also the male voice in this song. He and I and several influential friends believed that the pain of our drunken years is something that many can relate to; the guilt of wasted years, the inability to communicate or purge feelings, the anxiety of knowing your life is out of control and yet, the certainty that someday things will be different and somehow it will all be "okay" again. I think it's a very common feeling indeed, and a very universal story.

Song Description

A lush watery feel gives way to a biting guitar lead and seductive vocals turn into the impassioned duet of a woman and her lover. The song screams of the pain of alcohol addiction and co-dependency and the ambient sound mimics the washy haze of the chemically confused.

Song Length 4:06 Genre Rock - Hard Rock, Pop - Rock
Tempo Multiple Tempos Lead Vocal Duet Male/Female
Mood Heated, Composed Subject Dysfunctional Relations, Alchohol, Beer, Wine
Similar Artists Pink Floyd Language English
Era 2000 and later

Lyrics

One more drop of amber liquid,
Slipping down between my fingers.
One more drop to burn my insides
As I try now to cloud my mind.

Too many things to think about,
I rationalize that I can do without it.
But I've been here for many years.
I've got many excuses to bury my fears.

Drifting again.
Remembering I still have friends.
Pushing them away when they draw too near,
Trying to convey I've got nothing to say to you.

Trial of despair from this I see,
Though some blanket emotion covers me,
I'm chilled and then I cringe
At the thought of feeling again.

Truest friend, I look in your eyes,
Trying to read what you cannot confide:
What are you feeling?
Are you drowning like me?
Is there anything which would set us free?
And trust is slipping as we both turn away.
How many days have we wasted this way?
I'd give anything to feel everything
And not be scared to let it all out.

Trial of despair you do me justice no more
Twelve steps later I'm still on the floor
And I cry to you, my nails are blue
To live again is to mock my sin.

(Breathe)

Day by day we'll work it all out.
We'll find a way, we'll get through it somehow
So until then, love be true.
When I find my heart, I'll know I owe it to you.

Wicked is this trial of despair.

Lyrics Angela Carman Music Angela Carman
Producer Angela Carman, Chris Carman, Joel Steven, Phil Holec Publisher Angela Carman and Chris Carman
Performance Angela Carman, Chris Carman, Joel Steven, Eric Post

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