Carter

Carter

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Country - General | D, Texas, United States
Total Song Plays: 2,801   
Member Since: 2015
   Last Login: 11/20/2017

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154

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Broadjam Member Reviews

(Continued from "General Comments")
But the third verse has the same problem as the second verse had. It brings up a whole new scene which makes no sense to the listener. And, the thing of it is, a third verse is not even NECESSARY for this song. It doesn't have to be there at all. The form could easily be Verse-Chorus-Verse-Chorus-Bridge-LAST CHORUS. That way, you are right in line with the song form that has been in the top 20 in 70-75% of the charts for the last 125 years. And, as an added benefit, you bring the song in at right about three minutes (instead of 3:48 as it is NOW), which is about all radio will give you these days.
Your music is good...to a point. You might want to make the melody in your chorus stand out more from the verses. A big time producer once told me that he wasn't interested in a song unless the chorus "soared". What he meant was he wanted the melody of the chorus to be in a higher register than the verses. This makes it easy for the casual listener to recognize that he is coming into the part of the song where there will be a payoff.
The link below (copy and paste) is a song with a very similar idea to yours. I include it so you can see how the hook has been treated in another version.
This was a fairly big song for Travis Tritt about 10 years ago.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5Mwig3VqXg
At any rate, your work is GOOD, and you should keep at it. If you do, you will eventually write an undeniable hit, and your mailbox will overflow with cashable checks.

APPROVED QUOTE:
Carter has it going on! Don't overlook HIM!

    - Tirk Wilder - Broadjam Pro Reviewer
Lyrics



LITTLE MISS T

Verse 1
I'm acting perfectly normal when she walks into the room
Forget about perfectly normal after my heart goes boom
Is it any wonder there's little hope for me
Look out here comes trouble, she makes a fool of me

(Chorus)
Here comes trouble, she really gets to me
Here comes trouble, I call her Little Miss T
Got me going round in circles, sting me like a honey bee
Here comes trouble, with a capital T
Verse 2
I'm sittin' at a traffic light, she pulls up in her car
She bats those baby blues at me and all I see is stars
She says you wanna have a picnic underneath that cherry tree
Look out here comes trouble, she makes a fool of me
(Repeat Chorus)
(Bridge)
I know I have to have that girl, I gotta take control
I can't just keep on a wishin' until I'm too damn old

Verse 3
I walk into the grocery as she's pushin' out her cart
With one hello she's a pushin' every button to my heart
I said I have a new recipe, tell you what I'm a gonna do
I'll start with a cup of trouble, then I'll add 2 scoops of you
(Final Chorus)
Here comes trouble, she really gets to me
Here comes trouble, I call her Little Miss T
Got me going round in circles, sting me like a honey bee
Here comes trouble with a capital T
Here comes trouble with a capital T

(Spoken)

Man, I'm in trouble now ...deep, deep trouble




Song Length
3:46
Genres
Rock - Classic, Country - Rockabilly


Lyric Credits Charles E. Carter
Music Credits Charles E. Carter
Producer Credits Joe Milton